TORO, TORO (noms)

BREAKING NEWS: Double date probably off! Patrick's date sent him the following sad email (shout out to Google Translate):

Good evening! But Miho know?
♪ Thanks for a great fun last time (· ∀ ·)

Next Sunday I'm no, I can not go Nagashima sudden engagement ... I'm sorry (>_<)

This one goes out to you, buddy.

Raphael Saadiq - It's A Shame


PART I : 2 FURIOUS

When I went to Barcelona a few months ago, I had this weird realization that all the dogs that I met were just a little different from the American dogs I had grown up with (these are literal dogs btw, not dawgz). Little things about them like their sitting posture or facial expressions threw me off a little bit and almost made me feel a little uneasy, in a bizarre way. Almost everything here is like that! Well, somethings are REALLY different, but they make themselves known fairly quickly. I am speaking of the subtle normalcies of life in God's Country that I have gradually realized are nowhere to be found here. For instance:

-All of the sandwiches I have eaten here are crustless for some reason. Pretty incredible since its been at least 10 years ago since I had a crustless sandwich. Where do all the crusts go?
-Small children make rash judgements about me. I was in the supermarket today and saw a little girl gliding happily by on a kick ass pair of sky blue Heelies ®, and right as her eyes fixed on mine, her jaw slackened in terror. Where is the love, Japanese babies? American babies love me, or are at least indifferent toward me. Well, most don't do me like you do. Maybe some do, but they keep it to themselves, and that's what counts (to me).
-There are no all-purpose trashcans. If you are lucky enough to find a far-away receptacle, it is definitely for either cans / burnables / non-burnables / PET / paper. Minutes of trash sorting will ensue, because you absolutely will not be mixing your refuse, save you want an older, smaller and wiser Japanese man giving you the business.
-Ketchup is not omnipresent. Most of the time you will find fish flakes to sprinkle over the food that you would usually plaster with ketchup. Fish flakes are not very good, either. They taste like you would imagine, probably. Even if you are lucky enough to find any, it will SUCK. We take the Heinz® corporation and their sublime ratio of sugar : tomatoes for granted in the states. Appreciate your lives/ketchups!!
-Dr. Pepper is also rare.

PART II : TOKYO DRIFTIN'

I spent the past weekend in Tokyo doing a very hit and miss Scarlett Johansson impression a la 'Lost In Translation' with a lot of disillusioned stares into the distance while humming bars of 'Just Like Honey'. I really think I have gotten to know myself better, but will miss Bill Murray lots.
Four-month veteran Mandy Lyne was my tour guide for the two day jaunt into the Big Pear and she did not disappoint. Checked out a Maid Cafe (GOOGLE IT) where Mandy won a bottle of champagne and a brief get down session complements of the super kawaii staff, an eight story sex store (not including the basement, where you can watch horrifying sex tapes along side wound up Japanese salarymen), and the comparatively docile Yoyogi Park among other spots, except when THIS happened:



Japan got talent, kidz

PART III : LoLCATS ON THA HORIZON

So, I'm at the two-week mark and there are a few things I haven't crossed off my short term bamboo bucket list, most of which I hope to knock off this weekend:

Karaoke
Go To A Japanese Punk Show
Eating A Sea Creature's Head / Face

On the other hand:

Nearly Puke Eating Baby Squid Sushi
Keep It Real

Suggesties?



First night in Tokyo. Patrick did a buttload of magic tricks for these guys and they were forced to buy us beer in return, as is the custom here.


2 true, sign.


Doable gelly woman sealed in a cardboard coffin. Great gift for friends in jail for doing creepy stuff


Also, my face at the time! Albiet less plastic-y and dead looking

Tanuki Dog Soup

Please feel pressure to complete a brief karaoke session of the classic Frankie Valli song 'December 1963 (Oh What a Night)' before continuing reading this post. It is essential to the reader / writer rapport that you get on my level emotionally and melodically. Loosen up a bit and don't be afraid to really rail those falsettos, either.



So, yeah. Oh what a weekend is almost more like it. Right? Now you get it! Anyways:

Saturday was really incredible cultural-wise and then insane as night started to fall further. As all two of my followers (50% my mom) have definitely been anxiously awaiting hearing about, I went to an onsen in a nearby town with my friends Pat (Norwegian/Flugansnargan), Tom (English/Icelolly People-Carrier) and Satori (American/Beer Me) in the afternoon.

But first we went to a Shinto shrine (or jinja [pronounced like 'ginger' with a Japanese accent]) on a little islet. Looking in from outside, you can't make out anything but the tree tops, but once you make it to the island it is extremely impressive. There is a feeling I keep getting here in certain places where I know what I am standing on or looking at is unfathomably historic and important, but I have no idea how to properly appreciate it. Also, it is not difficult to desecrate things / shame yours or another's family without realizing it. For the most part, I try not to do too much OR too little and strike a nice, warm middle ground away from the sorry, sharp edges. If anyone feels sudden shame in the next few months please let me know and I will try to figure out where I misstepped and atone. Jk. Don't caresies.

The onsen was hot and naked, as promised. It was separated by sex, so I went with Tom and Patrick to the naked Japanese man section as that was the closest fit for us. We walked in and I forgot to shower before I got in the water initially, which silently desecrated the onsen (seriously). Thankfully, no one seemed to mind. Later, the local men glared at our Glenfiddiches like packages of dishonor. We got our Zen for about 30 or 40 minutes before hopping out, meeting back up with newly clothed Satori (who apparently had a one on one session with a naked 60 something Japanese woman? Confirmation?) and heading to an udon shop back in Okazaki.

The nighttime plan was originally to just stay at Zig Zag (the school bar) and watch the Japan / Holland game with the local fans and head home, but we ended up going to a local bar near my dorm. Details get very fuzzy here, but Patrick ended up picking up a fully Japanese waitress with almost literally a 10 word Japanese vocabulary, followed by an old man pawning off another local girl (who I assume was a relative of his) on me for a date in two weeks with Patrick and the waitress to an amusement park near Tokyo. Needless to say that it promises to be a confusing train wreck!

The last few days have just been wake/class/nap/dinner/sleep with two exceptions:

- All you can eat, grill your own meat/fish restaurant called Viking that was overrun by UNSUPERVISED children that gave it a weird anime-lord of the flies feel
-Sweaty soccer (footy? awrite den!) session today

Big test tomorrow to determine if I can advance to the somewhat harder level of classes so CROSS THA FINGAZ DOGZ.

D-Bone out. Saaaaaaaaafe.



Outside the Islet


Inside the Islet


A Word I Refuse To Learn Because I Am Confused Of Its English Counterpart

If The Art Of Folding Paper Is Origami, The Art Of Folding Hair Is Hairigami

You should consider this the soundtrack to this post. Mostly because it is just an awesome song, but also because all non-Japanese (me) get stared at by the native 99% Japanese. Pretty sure thats Talib had in mind when he wrote this song, actually.



The last couple days have been all about adjustments. I can only compare it to when Neo in The Matrix wakes up in the real world and is covered in that pink goo. That pink goo is everywhere here! I eat it everyday. You get used to it pretty quickly, though.

Yesterday was my first day of class. Everything went according to plan, mostly. Everyone was very nice and there were almost no Mickey Mouse drawing sessions until there was one at the very end. Still not quite sure what it taught me about Japanese but who am I to question their methods.

Speaking of questionable, the building I have class used to be a warehouse and has an air of extreme sketchiness as a result. I do not know what they used to manufacture, but based on layout, I can only imagine it was methamphetamine or farts or grumpy kittens who give the good kittens bad names. Something sinister.

But most everything else is incredible. The kids here are mostly awesome. Tons of :)'s and :D's all around. Mostly. It rained hard all day yesterday which might have sown a few :('s, but it IS the rainy season, so.

Going to get naked at a local onsen (hot spring/bathouse) today, followed by slowly getting naked during the Japan/Netherlands game tonight. I will likely shower before I go to sleep tonight, before which I will also deliberately get naked.



First Breakfast


First Arcade


Walk to Class


Huge Norwegians With Huge Beers Are Everywhere Here

Jetlaggin'

After about 26 hours of travel yesterday, I came in to Okazaki at about 9:15 JST last night. The travel time itself was mas o menos business as usual, with a few exceptions.

1. The first and ONLY Canadian I encountered in Toronto airport was extremely rude! I had headphones in walking to my gate and an older Canuckian airline woman jumped in front of me and started waving her arms at me as if I had just interrupted coverage of the stanley cup (RIP). I popped the earbuds out and she yelled "I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TALK TO YUH FOR THEE LAST 20 PACES!! DO YOU HAVE ANY BAGGAGE THAT NEEDS CHECKIN?" I didn't. "OK THEN GET GOIN!!" I did. But jeez! Talk about ruining a perfectly good stereotype.

2. I tried to flex my limited Japanese on a four year-old that sat beside me on the 13 hr flight from Toronto to Tokyo and got absolutely trounced. He started talking about how scary Johnny Depp's mad hatter was in Alice of Wonderland, and all I could say that would make an inkling of sense was:
Me: "…the cat. (I point to a purple book) What color is this?"
The boy: "Murasaki (purple)."
Me: "Right. The purple cat…very cute. Very scary."
The boy: "Yes."
He stared blankly at me for a few seconds before I slowly raised my hand for a high-five, which is always a crowd pleaser with kids, even of the Japanese persuasion.

Then of course halfway through the flight he starts speaking to me in perfect English, which he confesses he PREFERS. Jesus

Rest of the trip was Snoresville, literally and figs. Woke up 2.5 hrs ago at 5am JST because of my confused and changing body but was kind of totally okay because Brazil v. North Korea was on.

Today is the calm before the storm that will be studying for the next 6 weeks. From what I heard last night, the pace is pretty rigorous. Going to explore Okazaki once the place wakes up.

SIDENOTE: I just realized I forgot all my pokeballs at home. Really hope I don't run into any rare ones today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOL


THE COAST!


Discouragingly smart Japanese kid.


My digs.

PROLOGUE: "F**k me in the butt."

These were five of the last words I heard before leaving Cumberland last night in a mostly innocuous (I was with my mom) drive by yelling from a pair of high school kids. I feel like his friend was egging him on to yell something at our car right before they passed us, but instead of rattling off a "Dipshit" or "Jabroni," he panicked and said "Fuck me in the butt!!" His friend was probably like "Dude…Kev Bone. What? Fuck me in the butt? What the fuck?" and Kev was probably all "Dude shut up, I just said the first thing that came into my mind." And his friend probably turns the volume down on the heavily worn Nickleback mix CD purring in the stereo(the one Kev Bone made for his birthday last month) and says "Why are you thinking about butt sex while we are driving to my step uncle's house for our weekly sleep over/Ace of Cakes mini-marathon?" Then they slowly turn their heads for a second of eye contact and slowly turn them back towards the road.

Anyways, I'm sitting in the Air Canada lounge right now watching the Netherlands and the Danes throw down through the heaviest eyelids I've had in a long time. I've got roughly 24 hrs of travel ahead of me so I am trying to save my sleep for the planes. Also, don't know how much World Cup I will be able to swing in Japan since the time difference puts the later game on at 3:30 am JST. But on the plus side, living in Japan. More later - tired.